Real Apps for Real Parents, Apps I Need Right Now

1. An App that stops me from sending e-mails to my peers, my family and especially my editor when I’m sick or have taken any type of cold medicine. (Could have used it earlier this week.)
2. An App that warns me about my appearance, like when my baby sneezes peas on the front, back and sides of my t-shirt. (Really, your baby can do that too?)
3. An App that warns me when I’m having one of those TMI moments, or at the very least warns all the folks on Facebook and Twitter to look away until I have the sense to hit delete.
4. An App that shows ‘hair styles for the tired and dirty,’ and maybe one that recommends a hat to match a pea-stained shirt.
5. An App that locates the nearest bathroom no matter where on earth we are.
6. An App that suggests what meal will completely satisfy picky eaters and lull them to a restful slumber after dinner. (Okay, so maybe that’s two apps.)
7. An App that notifies us our kid is about to squirt pink toothpaste all over the bathroom and clean it up with a flood of water, toilet paper and guest towels. Maybe it should also recommend a good clean-up service just in case we’re too late.
8. An App that uses age progression and some other super cool technology to show us our kids turn out happy, healthy, well-adjusted people – just to reassure us dealing with poo, peas and pink toothpaste is making a difference.