Playing through…Part 2

Grief doesn't just stop when the funeral is over, and it certainly doesn't stop when you try and resume your daily activities as if the world is unchanged. Your part of the world has changed, and it's completely normal to act like it.

I don't advocate wallowing in misery every minute of the day, but sometimes it's okay. 

I mean, it's been months and I still get choked up every now and then thinking of grandma. She's gone. Really gone. I think of all the people she influenced, people she stayed in touch with, helped, talked to each day, and loved. I think of how my mom lost her mother, we lost our grandma and my kids lost their great-grandma. Just when it starts to feel overwhelming, I remember how many times grandma told us to hug the babies and each other. 

We all have to move on, and so I do. But, I try to pause briefly and remember all the good things she did so I can share them with our children. I need to make sure to be there for my mom, too. She must be going through a number of emotions as she tries to deal with her loss. 

I just think it's important to give ourselves time to react and reflect, and give those around us the same courtesy. It feels like a time to reflect, but stress over all the other things going on starts to take over.

Thinking about all the work we need to finish this weekend before we start another work week makes me cringe. Assignments, bills, home projects, and school work loom for most of us, but there really is no need to get hyper-stressed about getting it all done perfectly in one day. Right? Maybe I won't get my kid's student project, work assignments, this blog and my book finished and published today, but it will happen (soon, in fact). Everything will work out as long as I remember to do the important stuff, like hugging the kiddos and my husband, first. 

Feel like sharing your ideas/advice about how to get through a tough time or loss? Comment below. 

Back-to-school thoughts

The scent of curry is dissipating, cool water to quench our thirst, and the click-clacking sound as we type.

The day started with burnt toast and excitement. The toast set off the alarm and upset everyone within earshot. Followed immediately by unplugging the battery to stop the high-pitched screech. Then in short order packing up a hyper kid and a tired toddler – alarm incident tears still wet – into the car and shuttling them to orientation.

Nice people, smiling faces, giddy kids. At least I wasn’t the only one juggling multiple kids wanting to run the halls. All I wanted was to observe, question, and understand more about what it’ll all be like for the kid, for me, for all of us.

Line up here, drive there, stay to the left, don't run into anyone. A blur of instructions. Good ones I need to remember. A blur of rooms with small chairs, numbers and the light scent of cleaner and fabric softener. At least it’s clean.

I’m chasing the eager one down the hall with the small one beside me trying to catch up, and I get a feeling in my gut this feeling will stick with me for the next fifteen to fifty years of my life, catch-up, don’t lag, the kids are getting farther and farther away, keep up!

Parents have done this for centuries before us, but I find no comfort in the thought. It’s wonderful and something to help them achieve – this independence – but right now it hurts to think our children will grow up and leave. And I hope part of them stays youthful, like a kid, for fun to lighten their load some days. They should also find their independence, but always know they can depend on us, and visit frequently.

I’m as excited as the kid and as tired as the toddler, just soaking it all into my brain and splitting it into manageable parts – some to deal with now, some for later over lattes with my mom, sister-in-law, or maybe a friend. I think it will help. 

So, cheers to the billions of parents and kids who have done this successfully before, to those who are in the same predicament as us, and to the many to come after. I plan to be hopeful, be helpful, be kind, be vigilant, be protective, be polite, be forgiving, be happy our children are growing – and make this a great year. 

Flower power by K. Gibson