Work-life balance: The Impossible Dream?

Work-life balance. What do you think when you hear it, or read it?

Whenever I hear someone talk about work-life balance, I nod politely agreeing yes, it’s hard to come by—like finding a unicorn, under a double rainbow, with a pot of gold waiting beside it.

As Nigel Marsh says in this Ted Talk, it doesn’t have to be impossible if we take some personal control instead of letting others/employers do it for us. Discussions of things like flex time, casual Fridays and paternity leave, “only serve to mask the core issue, which is certain job and career choices are fundamentally incompatible with being meaningfully engaged on a day-to-day basis with a young family,” he says.

Wow, so we choose to work in order to pay rent or a mortgage, to put food on our table, and to hopefully, help put our kids through school. And buy cars, clothes and electronic gadgets. Yet, this work actually takes enjoyment away from some of those very things. Doesn’t it feel like we should be able to have it all—without the stress?

Marsh thinks we need to recalibrate our lives in order to strike a work-life balance that works. “We have to be responsible for setting and enforcing the boundaries that we want in our life,” Marsh says.

If you watch the video, you’ll see he makes a great point about realizing what to balance (intellectual, emotional and spiritual), and what we can actually accomplish over a certain time period—say, a day.

What’s your ideal day? If you’re not sure, make a list of your ideal day, as Marsh recommends and see what matters most. Did you put work at the top of your list? Then why spend so much time doing it? It’s time to get real about what you want and when you can accomplish your goals.

“We need to be realistic, you can’t do it all in one day,” Marsh says. It’s such a simple statement, yet so very wise. I often find myself, and others, anxious to cross off every single last thing on their To-Do list in one day. Maybe I need a To-Do List Manager. 

Marsh suggests creating a more realistic time period for reaching our ideal work-life balance. “We need to elongate the time period for which we judge the balance in our life,” he says. “But we need to elongate it without falling into the trap of I’ll have a life when I retire.” By then there may not be kids, a spouse or interests left to enjoy.

Okay, I get it. So, where do I go from here? I suggest thinking about your ideal day, or maybe a couple different ideal days. Why more than one day? Because, maybe you’re a parent craving some time to do your own thing occasionally, not every day. Plus, if you have expensive taste, but not a ton of cash, driving a Ferrari to lunch at the yacht club every day may not be realistic right now. Make a list of what you can do now, and a list of what you’d like to do, over time.

You’ve got a list, or two. What next? Do what you can, when you can. If work stresses you out, and miss family time, schedule a day, or an hour and take your kid to a museum, or the park. Marsh says even the small things matter.

What is your ideal day? Mine would involve a lot of family time, playing outdoors, reading, writing, music and food. Maybe even a ride in a Ferrari, someday.

Cloaked by K. Gibson